So, my name is Samari. I’m a 31 year old mom from New Jersey. My son is the best thing to ever happen to me, next to this damn pandemic. Let me explain. I was seriously heading for disaster. Caught up in an abusive relationship, heavily drinking to cope with the fact that I was super unhappy at where I was in life, on-again-off-again employed, and waking up in a lie everyday without purpose. That was where I was in April 2020.
One day, something in my brain just clicked. You know they’re gonna kill you if you don’t get out of here, right? Prior to me leaving my ex, I decided to get my life together and check into outpatient rehab. It was one of the smartest things I ever did. Now I already had a drinking problem before I met my ex, so I’m not gonna pretend as if I was some angel. However, I really started to spiral after living with a fucking NARC.
I was literally being gaslit and emotionally manipulated damn near everyday. The lies kept piling up, and the fact that he would have his sister cosign the bullshit and also play games was even more annoying. Every word I said was twisted by them to try to shift the blame and the narrative, and when I would stand up for myself, I was labeled the crazy one. They both ended up assaulting me at different times during the relationship and because I didn’t think I could make it on my own, I stayed longer than I should have.
I was going to outpatient while I was still living with my ex and it was like a huge tug-of-war. I was fighting for peace, and he was actually trying to keep me sick. When I shared what I had been going through for the past year in group, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The others told me that I wasn’t going crazy, and how I needed to get out IMMEDIATELY. The counselors gave me the strength and encouragement to fight back by walking away and taking my son.
Moving back home wasn’t really what I wanted to do, but boy oh boy, when I woke up May 1st 2020 I felt different. It was amazing how a shift in the environment changed my outlook. I continued going to outpatient, stayed sober, and even made a bold choice to go to school for Medical Billing and Coding! It was like I had an unlimited amount of possibilities that came in for me the moment I decided to get it together. Then one day, I stumbled across something that would change my course forever- Tarot.
God has always been there for me, protected me, and blessed me throughout my entire life. I already knew He was real, kinda like I don’t have to see air to believe it’s what keeps me breathing. But this was some next level shit. After listening to multiple videos on YouTube, in September 2020, I went on Amazon and got a mini Rider Waite deck. When I held the cards in my hands for the first time, I swear I got goosebumps and a surge of electricity shot straight through me. Even writing about it now fills my eyes with tears and my heart with joy. This was made for me, and this is only the beginning of my new life.
On Christmas day 2021, I decided to just upload a video for fun. Prior to that, I had been pulling cards everyday for clarity and guidance in my own life, and my sister was my first and biggest supporter stating that my readings were helpful for her. That video got me hundreds of new subscribers overnight and helped to build my confidence and break me out of my shell. I had never left the East Coast of the United States, but I was getting emails from people all over the world telling me how my readings had helped them and how much they loved me and my son. Now, I’m at a little over 9 thousand subscribers, and hundreds of emails later and it still feels crazy.
Everyday I learn something new, meet amazing people, and have decided to make it my purpose instead of my hobby. This is NOT where I saw myself almost 2 years ago, but it’s the only place I want to be now. So yeah, thank you virus for shutting down the world and locking me in to unlock something inside of me that I wouldn’t have otherwise found. Thank you to the people who tried to tear me down so that I can stand taller, shine brighter, and smile bigger than I ever had before.
If you think you can’t, STOP. You can, and you will. You will overcome obstacles, learn to love yourself first, and be an unstoppable beast with unlimited potential to become whoever you want. You will not be silenced unless you let them silence you, but know for certain that once you speak your truth, you will unlock something in someone else to give them the courage to speak and live their truth. How do I know? I’m doing it right. Fucking. NOW. And the best part is, I’m just getting started.